Curiosity never killed the cat. It’s a misnomer. Originally the phrase was “care killed the cat”. What that meant was our cares, worries and burdens, were what took the “cat’s” life. Still true today. Curious, eh?
In a recent podcast, Linda Graham, author of Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well-Being describes curiosity as the sweet spot between boredom and fear.
Curiosity’s particular neuropathways (Scientific American) are distinctly different from anxiety and fear (probably boredom, too) and appear to activate the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine (The Cube). It’s the part of the brain that likes novelty, turning on your pleasure and reward centers. This pleasure in turn, motivates you to be more curious.
Within the context of mindfulness, curiosity opens you up to new ways of thinking, suspending judgements, reducing reactivity and checking in on your assumptions. All helpful when seeking and opening up to new insights for enhanced living and maturing. (I’m liking the word “maturing” these days over “growing”. It could be my greying hair or that I feel more like a fine wine than a plant. That’s for another blog post.)
Apparently curiosity also enhances the “connections between cells that are involved in learning”. With regard to memory, this learning is laid down in your long term memory tracks, so you can recall what you learned later. That’s definitely a plus in your personal life.
In your practice, the potential is monumental. Imagine having an antidote to fear, anxiety and boredom, especially in the realm of learning and teaching.
The danger of anxiety and boredom, is that it can lead to missing minor to essential information and cues that can cause anywhere from an inconvenient miscommunication to a potentially disastrous outcome.
Anxiety can change a moment of good will into resistance, harsh tones or words, and inadvertent digging in of heels. Patients nod their head “Yes” as if they understand your instructions, but really, they are terrified and won’t remember what you told them an hour later.
Boredom can cause you to drift off into more interesting thoughts, real or imagined, leaving you unsure of what was said, distracted, possibly confused or making something up so as not to be embarrassed.
The moment you choose curiosity instead, you open up new, vast and potent possibilities. Curiosity now becomes, not just an intellectual pursuit, but an actual clinical intervention.
It’s a toggle switch, turns on interest and engagement and switches off worry and disinterest.
The Language of Curiosity Creates Flow and Flexibility
There can be a lot of self-protective processing and posturing when anxious; going into various degrees of shut down, closed off-ness, argumentativeness or cold hard silence.
On the other hand, the “curiosity tone” of self-talk is qualitatively different. It’s like a soft rain on parched ground. It gently soaks in. Most of our self-talk is of a torrential nature, like a flash flood taking out any object in its path.
Curiosity questions start with “I’m curious if….” Or “I’m wondering about…”
I use my body’s response as a trigger to be curious. I wonder why I’m tightening, I wonder why I feel anxious. I can search for the answer, or allow another question to emerge.
Curiosity, like the breath, is available whenever you need it. You can call upon this inherent quality to listen to yourself or others when you feel a contracture in the conversation.
Here’s an example
A patient called me very upset. She described her belief that there was an error made in her medical care and told me what she wanted as the resolution. Unfortunately, it was not something I could offer. I thought of another idea which was very close to hers, only it required her filling out paperwork. When I suggested this to her, her response was immediate. “Nope. That won’t work.”
I felt myself tighten, then breathe. I began to wonder what does she see as the barrier? So I asked her, “I’m curious. Can you tell me what makes this not work for you?”
She said, “I’m really busy. I’ve a lot on my plate. I’m caring for my mother and I just can’t do another thing.”
I could feel her overwhelm. And I wanted to help find a resolution. I asked, “I’m wondering, is there anything I can do to make this easier?”
She paused, then said, “Well, yes. I’m coming in for an appointment next week. Maybe I could meet with you then and talk about this.”
Ahhh.
How to Use Curiosity at Work
Use curiosity like a garden path. You become interested in the bee flying from one flower to the next flower. Then you notice more flowers and then the greenery and the pathway blossoms in front of you.
At a meeting or in patient/client situation when someone is talking and you internally disagree, access your curiosity. Start the dialogue with, “I’m curious by what you see as the best route”. Or “I’m wondering if you would tell me more about that idea.”
Perhaps you need to complete a project you’ve been putting off. Maybe you find it boring or tedious. Perhaps it’s triggering anxiety. Ask yourself questions like, “I’m curious about what’s most interesting to me about this project? I wonder what part I could take on first? I wonder what’s underneath my boredom/anxiety?”
Your curiosity can be used in so many situations at home and at work. Experiment. See what happens.
Let me know your thoughts and experiences. Write them in the box below. I’m curious!
Until next time!
Love,
Jackie
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